回來了

才發現我已有三年沒有回來這寫作。

這幾年經過了許多事。歡喜與悲傷，起起落落，都已成為往事。

看著自己以前寫過的一切，覺的現在的我只可以使用一個"老"字形容。哈哈。有一股衝動想把往事刪除，忘掉一切。

之前在香港待了半年，現在終於回來到自己比較熟悉的地方，台灣。有時很累，也因為現在有很多時間都處境在一個人的狀態，偶而會不以為然的感到孤單于難過。真希望現在的我，不需太多時間就可以把事業帶上軌道。這樣忙碌的我，就會把自己沈醉在於工作里，不會胡思亂想。

只好期待，與希望。

我需要堅強，加油。：）

if only they could understand, if only they knew and stop judging based on one incident.
it's exhausting and frustrating. do they act and want this just because they think it is the best for you, or for their own sake because all it matters is how they look?

things happen sometimes have many other resulting issues, not just one.

so they should really stop JUDGING.

argh

i had this sudden urge to start working and start affording for myself while i was driving to school today. i do not know why this out of the blue thought came invading my still stagnant mind in the morning, but it felt really good to know you are beginning to have the ability to depend on yourself, and not on others.

but then again, seniors always tell me that, school remains as the best time one can have during his/her lifetime.

perhaps that is true.

i supposed there is no point rushing through it, after all, it is a matter of time i hit that phase.

school is darn boring.

and i hate CNY.

I just realized that my online diary has been left neglected for almost a month.

Time travels so fast that it leaves us behind sometimes. With a snap of the finger, a month has past, and we now embrace the New Year, with a new hectic semester lying ahead of me.

This holiday break till date is probably the best I ever had so far in the 23 years of my life since I had exited the pathway of my mother’s womb. I have finally started my quest to see and explore the world, a dream I had since I started watching discovery channel, and seeing the model of the globe displaying behind the glass panels in shops.

Somehow, I felt that I had always been trapped in a dimension so small I am almost myopic, and cannot vision what lies beyond this cage. Like the frog in the well, my “boundary less” sky is limited to the circumference of the opening of my hole. Now, I have finally leapt pass this bricked wall and realized the varsity of the magnificent Earth. My destination has extended beyond China and Taiwan or Malaysia where my ancestors lived their lives and returned to ashes to the United Kingdom and North America.

The world out here is so resplendent and life has more than what it takes. There are so many great things out there, but today, we are almost so narrow minded, we grip and grouse over all the slightest issues, or even obstacles in our lives. What have we become? And have we forgotten how fortunate we are today to exist in an era considered so relatively peaceful and contented, disregarding all the global warming problems and squabbles between countries?

I once thought that my life was over. But then, who determines what the end is? Maybe I am preaching a little here, but the bible states that death is only the beginning when we ascend to heaven provided that we are certainly going upwards, not downwards. So, what is the true definition of an end or a finish?

I blamed myself and maybe the world for the falls I had in my life, and without any shame, I admit to the numerous falls that I had been through, but through each wound I get on my knees and elbows, I learnt a lesson. Some lessons may come with a huge price, some paltry, but then, they all came with a message.

I learnt mine.

Maybe from traveling I have learnt to see the world with a broader heart. Perhaps the vast land covered in snow, all white, has touched my weary soul. I cry when I see how resplendent nature is.

The snowflakes, which melt almost immediately on my hands. The sun, which never felt warm in the winter. The storm, which made me frozen and rooted to the ground. The frozen pond, which I started skating on. The sheep, which camouflaged themselves with the snow. The horses, which galloped across the vast land.

This is beauty.

I thank my folks for being so supportive and loving. And I am not saying this because I know my entire family reads my writings, but because from my heart, I could feel their love for me. so much so, that I learnt to treasure my life. Together with Sealion, and my friends, I found hope in my life.

How could I have been so imbecile when I was young to once believe so strongly that I was not loved by anyone? Thankfully, I have awakened to the reality.

I thank god, for how my life has transformed.

I like this simple life now.

Out of the mess, out of the “colorful” life.

☺

My Travel Plans
091209 - 160909
Vancouver – Cananda
Victoria – Canada
Grouse Mountain – Canada

231209 – 281209
Alor Star, Kedah – Malaysia
Genting - Malaysia

030110 – 100110
Glasgow – Scotland
Manchester – United Kingdom
London – United Kindom

110110
hell begins – NTU

finally my murderous examinations have come to an end, and my flustered heart has found serenity, and peace.

my winter holidays have at last, reached my doorsteps.

it took me close to a day to arrive at Vancouver, with a transit in Taipei.

the only torture; long flight, and insufficient legroom for a monster like me, will result one to suffer from extreme body aches after landing.

the cold weather here, -7 degrees, reminds me of the days i was back in Shanghai. The only difference is, i am not alone. i am glad Sealion accompanied me here and even went all the way to visit my already old and wrinkled granny when we were transiting in Taiwan given the short time we had.

i miss the air back home in my hometown.

i miss my family.

and i miss the food.

somehow, i cannot write anymore as i am drowned in the million emotions and thoughts running about in me that i no longer know what to say. it is like you know how it feels, but it's unspeakable, and inexplicable. if only i could steal a piece of my thought and play it on a video, but reality does not permit.

nonetheless, i guess, i could only say, at the very least, i am happier now, even though it appears as though i have vanished into thin air.

sometimes, it is just plain beautiful, to live a simpler life.

my day sunk as the most tragic event has to take place in my life:(

i lost my beloved wallet, which means everything to me as it was a gift.

thankfully, sealion made me smile again with two surprises.

i wish Singaporeans could be kinder to me by returning me just the wallet and my polaroid photos. the last time i recalled i picked up a wallet, i sent it to the neighbourhood police post. i thought what comes around, should go around.

ARGH.

daddy asked me about the progress of my examinations and i was stumped for words.

then mummy on the side said, "he's too distracted with other matters than SCHOOL WORK."

how kind, she knows i have problems focusing and she still bought me a new nintendo and psp.

her actions are extremely contradictory.

pouts.