i had no idea why.

i took the bus and train yesterday.

from east to west.

found no reasons to why i felt this extreme discontentment with myself.

daddy left himself to see his sister for the last time before she returned to ashes.

and when i saw him entered the gate himself at the airport because none of us could make it back with him to attend the funeral, the pain in me, was inexplicable.

all i could do was to send him a short message via our mobile phones,

"daddy, make sure you take of yourself when you're there. make sure your diet is fine. please call us if there's anything and come back to see a doctor regarding your hand. i am sorry i could not go with you. We love you. please take care."

i finally said the word, love. although i thought maybe if i were to tell him directly, it would be better, but i guess, to avoid any form of awkwardness to appear, i exiled that decision in my head. after all, i could not recall when was the last time i told them i love them.

:(

i need an escape.