J, forgive me. I am sorry for acting as the complete jerk, who is selfish, and negate everyone else’s emotions. My self defense has let people down and I know it is the issue that sometimes lie between me and the rest of the world but somehow, for the past few years, I had learnt that protecting one's self is the most consequential thing to do, in fact, it is the imperative and correct move to take in our lives. I hope you will read this and understand where I am coming from. i apologize the fact that i cannot forget whatever that has happened, but frustrations have made me lost the tenacity to hold on for now.

I am here at this place once again, Siglap Center Mac Donald, where I met her for our second date. She was late, and I waiting for her in my greenish uniform, desperate to see her again. i had committed an offense, for escaping a day of my Basic military training to spend some time with her.

A place whereby so many memories were left behind, i was overwhelmed with all those trails left behind by you and me. I ponder upon how you are doing now and i sincerely hope that each day you are happy, because ever since two years back when you cogitated to exile yourself from my life, I have been praying for you.

Two years have past and my wound is still healing. Mending the million of shredded pieces together, at times, I can still feel that excruciating pain that was once inflicted in me by you pounding significantly hard in me reminding how unbearable and unforgettable the ache once was.

Maybe that is the resultant of this phobia in me to lead a life, to share my life with someone. i am just getting so used to being on my own. although at times, the emptiness calls and you feel like probably the greatest loser on earth, but it beats feeling cramps love can cause you.

:(