selfishness of mankind, is part of the parcel endowed by god in us, this entire package includes all the negatives vocabulary that we can find and read from the dictionary, a book of words defined by humans ourselves.

somehow many of us have failed to realize that actually many of these unpleasant descriptive words like jealousy, selfishness, arrogance and etc all coexist with the good stuff in man, just that in some, its extent of presence is just so minimal, we fail to sense it in them.

life was never meant to be a journey of smooth sailing, plagued with obstacles that appear like monsters devouring us each time we try and fail. many times, the determination in us just die off, and eventually, we allow ourselves to be consumed by this demon, which in fact, is just us. we lost to no one else, but to ourselves.

this expedition of living becomes jaded because we made it this way. we transformed a world created resplendently by the lord, into a world driven by our desires to live in extravagance and comfort, forgetting that this world means so much more than driving a Mercedes, going to the best schools, living in a big house and owning a great career.

sometimes, i wish i am not what i am today. perhaps, when i was what i was before weighing a ton and looking hideous, i was even happier even though i was constantly being the butt of the joke daily, because at least i knew, i made everyone happy, and i knew who were the true ones who were by my side.

today, i feel that all has been obscured. i cannot see the true faces, and i start to be suspicious of what is standing next to me. maybe sensitivity playing on my side, but human's actions have proven otherwise. some of my friends showed it, some of them displayed it, some of them act upon it and i wonder if they ever thought or reflected, to realize how they ever treat me as a friend, if they have reciprocated my sincerity with their own actions.

(sidetrack, i hope my friends will one day come to awake for how much i have done for them. some of them i personally make trips down to the far east to send them home, some of them i voluntarily paid for everything. some of them i turned up for their parties just for them even though i was a total stranger in the crowd, some of them i stayed by their side when they needed someone and advices and many other insane things i could do for my friends. in return, what did i receive. i only wish you all could treasure me slightly more.)

i have decided that when my examinations end, i would want to travel to many places to experience what lies beneath the sky outside my well that i live in. i do not want to be like everyone else, who finds their well sufficiently enough for them to be contented with. the world simply does not end with just what we see in this isle of ours. i detest this life here.

it is good that you are indignant, and livid. amazingly, we have all forgotten to put each other in each other's perspective. you failed to see things from the other side of the story, and me myself, have also resigned.

somehow i miss my army days when i was back on the secluded island off Singapore shores. because that was the time i was cut off from all communication from the outside world, living in the jungle whereby stars at night embraces you to sleep and you return to living on bare earth, and nature.

i wish to be uncontactable.

if you think i am living off good, that is what you see from your side of the world. i thought you would know better of me, that i am good at putting a pretendence of being satisfied, and elated with whatever i have.

this time round, you have proven yourself, wrong.

you are not everyone, but everyone is everyone. find the joy in your life my dear friend, close your eyes, and let the waters take you home.

something i gained from watching one of my favourite movies, The Bucket List. it was so beautifully portrayed to us, what life really is.