the morning was disastrous.

felt as though my head was almost being torn into two. the headache, and the remaining spins of the alcohol probably made me almost like a vegetable, i am paralyzed, yet in my mind, that was not the main issue, after all, time was all it required, to allow the effect of this intoxication to wear off, and i will be back to being the norm self again, but the fact that i might have to come upfront with my dearest mother, shrunk my bull-size balls.

i regretted parking the car in the house and opened that gate which awoke my family and almost triggered the home alarm system. in fact, now i understand better why drinking impedes one person's ability to make the correct judgment at times, because if i were slightly smarter last night, i should have park the car outside the house, and climbed in like how i always do, a burglar in action.

i was shocked to see her standing by the staircase awaiting for my grand arrival and she stared at me like a livid ghost, and i prayed my secret trained powers of going invisible was going to come to good use but sadly, it did not work. she tailed me to my room, and interrogated me. that was like the longest journey ever, back to my room:(.

mum: where did you go?
me: oh, movie lor.
mum: movie with drinks right? you look drunk.
me: oh, yes movie, after that drinks.
mum: did you drive home?
me: eh? duh?
mum: look at you, please wash up and sleep.

me: HENG ARH

climbed into my bed, and pretended to snore away.

then, it came, the next day when i am more sober to allow her to dig out more; the brunch.

i attempted to talk about everything under the sun so that i can successfully detour away from any topics regarding the previous night, coming home almost drunk but my ingenious plan flocked eventually.

mum: so what are you doing outside now? are you dating?
me: NO NO NO, i won't date anyone but GONG LI.
mum: oh, so why did you drink? who ditched you?
me: mum, i have been single for damn long and you know.
mum: so was it fun? bring me next time?
me: you are over aged.
mum: really? i don't believe if i give them money, they won't allow me in.
me: REALLY>! mummy can you please buy me BUTTER FACTORY MEMBERSHIP! your friend supplied them GRANITE FOR THEIR FLOORING RIGHT!!!!
mum: rolled her eyes and said, i warn you arh, please do not drink and drive. get a driver to send you back.

then, the nagging and scolding continues for quite some time and i had to keep quiet because i knew i was wrong and there was no way i could argue.

but, she ended classically and made me almost crashed the car into the traffic light.

mum: YOU THINK YOU BRITNEY SPEARS ARH? DRINK AND DRIVE AND SCREWED UP YOUR LIFE? (IN CHINESE.)

me: WTH?

she is so god damn adorable, and i love her! she rocks!

sorry mummy, for making you worry and for breaking your pot of flowers when i maneuvered the car into the house. i pray hard that you will never get to realize this unpleasant truth and the maid did a good job in removing all EVIDENCES.




on the separate note, i am going to apologize to this someone.

sorry.

for any issues caused, i know i have my part to play and participate in the detrimental of ourselves. selfishness maybe, protection perhaps, but i hoped you trusted me better and know that i am never that kind of person others might portray me to be.

clubbing was probably the best getaway i can get after all, you should know the frustrations i have in me. the only thing i picked up after my sour breakup was getting drunk, love and protect myself more. for the past two years i have been trying so hard not to be a train-wrecked which i hoped i am better at now.

i never learn how to offer apologies ever since i was left with my heart bludgeoned to death two years back and too frequently, i would rather not face the issue on the spot, because i have somehow, transformed into an escapist or maybe, just a coward. i loathe being in a sticky situation, and i never knew how to reject or say no because i know how it felt, to be hurt by others.

i thought you would understand me better than anyone else although so far, you are probably the one at best to know me, and figure me out.

if you ever thought i never did bother or care, you were certainly incorrect because everyday, i do think of you, but then, what can we do, when our friendship has been so estranged and plagued with problems which seemed endless. time, was ultimately,the best medication i can come out with, to salvage, and neutralize all that was left.

and again, i chose to deviate myself from the path of facing you.

probably no one will understand why i react this way but i am tired of having to speak my mind. i would rather people mistaken me for being the spoilt brat than to explain myself because i learnt from my past, explaining does not help much.

i have a serious hate, i detest people coming too close, and come in contact with me unless i am extremely familiar and of certain relationship with that person. it makes me very uncomfortable.

i may be drunk at many occasions, but you should know better that as silly as i deemed to appear, i am actually sober and still aware of what happens around me.

i wished you had listened to me instead.

and you should know, mouths of the others, are never kind.

the world is unfriendly.

you were immaculate.

i am extremely insecure and scared and hurt and do not place trust in anyone. a facade i put on to disguise my weak part from revealing so that no one gets in. i need to open up which i know i never do because the fear of breaking apart overwhelms me.

i am a stubborn five year old boy who refuses my greens.